Here's to the girls...

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be DIFFERENT this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would REALLY care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the hell he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. This is for those girls, who fell back in love with a guy, only to get HURT all over again...

Dear Past, Sincerely Me

I hate to do this after all we've been through together, but I really must let you go. The glances over the counter, the inevitable tears on the drive home, the urge to read their blogs/comments/twitter. It all must go. This rumbling in my stomach from all their hateful words gets tiring. I'm not who I was when I held you close, but no matter how much I let you go, you still remain. It's time for you to leave. I'm not who you seem to think I am. Thanks for all you've taught me, like not to love or trust, it got me through high school with a beating heart. I think I'm ready to move on from all that though. I've started to see where your teachings are wrong. Just because he couldn't love me like a daddy is supposed to doesn't mean there's something fatally wrong with me. Just because he couldn't stay faithful doesn't mean it's okay for me to cheat as well. Just because my friends treated me like dirt doesn't mean that's what I am. Now, I know what you're going to say, I did this all to myself. Well, yes, I stuck on this path you led me down for far too long. I'd rather the forest over this. So this is goodbye and please don't come back. Things would never work between us.

A Little Late for New Year Resolutions

I've never been one to do things on time--if I remember to do them at all--especially if it's not concerning school work. Better late than never though. So here is my month late list of New Year Resolutions:

.:. Find a balance of OCD and chaos
.:. Get my website up and running--and actually remember to update it
.:. Decide on a major and stick with it
.:. Discover what the method to my madness actually is
.:. And my number one, that I decide I'm going to do every week: GET ORGANIZED! It might help my memory.

Well, there it is. A month late and bit half-hearted.