More Than a Masochist

I've always considered myself a masochist. I slightly enjoy inflicted pain on myself--physical and mental. That's probably why I never truly let go of Jon. That's probably why I've been trying to talk to him as just a friend and thus asking about his beautiful, amazing, better-than-I-could-ever-be girlfriend. I should be working on bible study homework. That's something I struggle with: making time in my day for God. It's so selfish, I know. Especially, when I rely on the words of this bible study so much to keep me mentally stable. She's been where I've been. Her name is carved on the walls of the pit I'm in; "Beth was here." So here I sit switching back and forth from my blog to Jon's IM to my bible study workbook sitting at the edge of my desk. More of my attention is on his IM. Such a masochist. Wait. My bible study. I am who God says I am. Does God say I'm a masochist? No. I don't think so. I know what he does say. I am blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed, and forgiven. Maybe I'm more than just a masochist.